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Thanksgiving Short Jokes
Q: What kind of music did the Pilgrims like?
A: Plymouth Rock
Q: If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?
A: Pilgrims
Q: Why can’t you take a turkey to church?
A: They use FOWL language.
Q: What’s a turkey’s favorite type of doll?
A: Gobble-heads!
Q: Why was the Thanksgiving soup so expensive?
A: It had 24 carrots.
Q: What happened when the turkey got into a fight?
A: He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
Q: Why did the turkey sit on the tomahawk?
A: To hatchet.
Q: Why did the band hire a turkey as a drummer?
A: Because he had the drumsticks!
Q: What did the turkey say to the man who tried to shoot it?
A: Liberty, Equality and Bad aim for all.
Q: What’s the friendliest vegetable on Earth?
A: The sweet potato!
Q: Why did the Pilgrims want to sail to America in the spring?
A: Because April showers bring Mayflowers!
Q: If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for?
A: Their AGE!
Q: Why don’t turkeys fly?
A: They can’t afford plane tickets!
Q: Why do pilgrims pants keep falling down?
A: Because their belt buckles are on their hats!
Q: If a man wants to eat a turkey on Thanksgiving, what does a turkey want?
A: It simply wants to run away.
Q: Which side of the turkey has the most feathers?
A: The outside
Q: Why did the police arrest the turkey?
A: They suspected it of fowl play
Q: What happened when the turkey got into a fight?
A: He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
Q: What’s the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner?
A: The turKEY
Q: What did the turkey say before it was roasted?
A: Boy! I’m stuffed!
Q: Why do turkeys always go, “gobble, gobble”?
A: Because they never learned good table manners!
Q: What sound does a space turkey make?
A: Hubble, Hubble, Hubble!
Q: What key has legs and can’t open doors?
A: A Turkey.
Q: Why did the turkey cross the road?
A: It was the chicken’s day off!
Q: Who is not hungry at Thanksgiving?
A: The turkey because he’s already stuffed!
Q: In what country is Thanksgiving ironically not celebrated?
A: Turkey.
Q: If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one?
A: Goblet.
Q: What’s the best way to stuff a turkey?
A: Serve him lots of pizza and ice cream!
Q: What smells the best at a Thanksgiving dinner?
A: Your nose.
Q: What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
A: Pumpkin pi.
Q: What is a pumpkin’s favorite sport?
A: Squash
Biblical Flight – Christmas
Joan asked her Sunday School class to draw pictures of their favorite Bible stories. She was puzzled by Jimmy’s picture. He had drawn four people on an airplane, so she asked him which story it was meant to represent.
“The flight to Egypt,” said Jimmy.
“I see. And that must be Mary, Joseph, and Baby Jesus?” the teacher asked. “But who’s the fourth person?”
“Oh, that’s Pontius-the Pilot.
The Dried Leaf
A young boy opened the big and old family Bible with amazement, and studied the old pages as he slowly turned them. As he was turning the pages something fell out of the Bible, and he picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that had been pressed between the pages.
“Mom, look what I found,” the boy yelled.
“What do you have, sweetie?” his mother asked.
In total shock the young boy answered: “I think it’s Adam’s suit!”
The Rare Bible
A rare book collector ran into an old friend who told him he had just thrown away an old Bible that he found in an old box in his attic. He happened to mention that Guten-somebody-or-other had printed it.
“Not Gutenberg?” gasped the collector.
“Yes, that was it!”
“You idiot! You’ve thrown away one of the first books ever printed. A copy recently sold at auction for half a million dollars!”
“Oh, I don’t think this book would have been worth anything close to that much,” replied the man. “It was scribbled all over in the margins by some guy named Martin Luther.”
The Fall of Faith
A man named John was walking beside a steep cliff one day, when he accidentally stepped too close to the edge and began to fall. As he fell he reached out and grabbed a branch, which stopped his fall for a few moments. He glanced down and was shocked to see that the canyon went straight down for over a thousand feet.
He knew he wouldn’t be able to hang on to the branch for very long, and there wasn’t a way for him to climb up the face of the cliff. So, Jack started to yell for help, hoping that maybe someone above would hear him and toss a rope or get help.
“HELP! HELP!” he called, “Is anyone up there? HELP!”
He yelled for a while, but no one responded. He was just about to give up when he heard a voice call, “Jack, Jack. Can you hear me?”
Jack quickly replied, “Yes, yes! I can hear you. I’m down here!”
The voice said, “I can see you, Jack. Are you all right?”
“Yes, but who are you, and where are you?” asked Jack anxiously.
“I am the Lord, Jack. I am everywhere.”
“The Lord? You mean, GOD?”
“That’s Me.”
“God, please help me! I promise that if you’ll get me down from here, I’ll stop sinning. I’ll be a really good person. I’ll serve You for the rest of my life.”
“Easy on the promises, Jack. Let’s get you off from there; then we can talk.”
“Now, here’s what I want you to do. Listen carefully.”
“I’ll do anything, Lord. Just tell me what to do.”
“Okay. Let go of the branch.”
“What?”
“I said, let go of the branch. Just trust Me. Let go.”
Then there was a long silence as Jack pondered this.
Finally Jack yelled, “HELP! HELP! IS ANYONE ELSE UP THERE?”
D5 Creation