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A flood was on its way, forcing everyone to evacuate. The police rowed up to the most godly man in town and said, “Sir, you will have to leave this house! People are dying out here!”
The man replied, “No, I’m not leaving. God has always helped me before, and He will do it again.”
So as the water started to rise, he went to the second story of his house. Another boat came by, and the captain yelled, “Mister, you have to get on this boat or you’re going to drown!”
The man replied again, “No, God helped me before, and He will do it again.”
The water rose even higher. This time he went to the top of his roof, where a helicopter came and hovered overhead. The pilot called into his loudspeaker, “Please climb aboard, sir. You will drown if your don’t come!”
The man shook his head and replied, “God is going to save me!”
But the water rose higher, and soon he drowned to death. He went to Heaven, and there he asked God, “Why didn’t you save me, O Lord?”
And God replied, “I tried to! I sent you two boats and a helicopter! What more did you want?”
Airplane passengers watched nervously as two men wearing pilot uniforms and dark glasses used canes to feel their way into the cockpit. Minutes later, the plane starts barreling down the runway, and the passengers begin to get scared as the water at the end of the airstrip nears. With only a few yards left, everyone screams, but the plane lifts off just in time. The passengers soon begin laughing in relief, assuming it was all a joke.
“You know,” says one pilot to the other, “one day they’re gonna scream too late, and we’re all gonna die.”
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- christian faith jokes
An elderly lady was well-known for her faith and for her boldness in talking about it. She would stand on her front porch and shout “PRAISE THE LORD!”
Next door to her lived an atheist who would get so angry at her proclamations he would shout, “There ain’t no Lord!!”
Hard times set in on the elderly lady, and she prayed for GOD to send her some assistance. She stood on her porch and shouted “PRAISE THE LORD. GOD I NEED FOOD!! I AM HAVING A HARD TIME. PLEASE LORD, SEND ME SOME GROCERIES!!”
The next morning the lady went out on her porch and noted a large bag of groceries and shouted, “PRAISE THE LORD.”
The neighbor jumped from behind a bush and said, “Aha! I told you there was no Lord. I bought those groceries, God didn’t.”
The lady started jumping up and down and clapping her hands and said, “PRAISE THE LORD. He not only sent me groceries, but He made the devil pay for them. Praise the Lord!”
A nun who works for a local home health care agency was out making her rounds when she ran out of gas. As luck would have it there was a station just down the street. She walked to the station to borrow a can with enough gas to start the car and drive to the station for a fill up.
The attendant regretfully told her that the only can he owned had just been loaned out, but if she would care to wait he was sure it would be back shortly.
Since the nun was on the way to see a patient she decided not to wait and walked back to her car. After looking through her car for something to carry to the station to fill with gas, she spotted a bedpan she was taking to the patient. Always resourceful, she carried it to the station, filled it with gasoline, and carried it back to her car.
As she was pouring the gas into the tank of her car two men walked by. One of them turned to the other and said: “Now that is what I call faith!”